LIFE

Its 2.30 Am in Gothenburg, one of the biggest cities of Sweden, which is blessed with serene beauty. Though I have been working a lot lately, I have been really unhappy about how my research is going on. Its dragging.. Dragging at a phase slower than my snails in my aquarium. But today morning was rather different. Besides being a Monday, It brought a smile on my face when I lifted up my blinds (its not that we need blinds here to sleep during winter, but the street lights are just too annoying). What brought that smile was the beautiful view from my room, I could see the snow covered hills and roofs of the buildings on the other side ( Have I told u I live on a hill top with a fantastic view?). It was the first snow fall of this season. I am often amazed by how simple things can just make one happy.

It was just snow, something that would melt away, but it has a magical power. Why do I say so?? Primarily, when it snows, its lot warmer, secondly snow makes the place look more brighter and thirdly, to me snow is a symbol of life. It snows, then it stays on and then it melts, making the place muddy and then it vanishes, just like everyone’s life. We all are born, we bloom and we live and we die.

I have often thought and wondered why am I alive? I could never come up with a reason good enough to justify my existence. I would have preferred to be nonexistent rather that to live. Not to die. If it is to die, then I have lived and I have made memories and I may or may not live through the books or at least through the memories that my friends and relatives share and cherish (may cherish rather) about me. I feel life is being forced up on me, without my consent.  To be very honest, I don’t even enjoy my life. I just deplore the fact that I have to live like everyone else, be insignificant in this universe and die of some stupid disease and get cremated or buried or eaten away by dogs. Why does it have to be so? Why is it that we are not given a choice to make? I am sick and tired of trying to fit into the social norm. I feel strangulated, choked, every second, every day. Its almost like living a lifeless life.

I have lot of friends who have traveled a lot. They all seem to be excited about visiting new places, seeing picturesque mountains and monuments. Though I haven’t traveled a lot, in the few visits that I have been on, everything just failed to excite me. When I see a beautiful monument or a scenery or anything of that kind, I say its beautiful. Not because I feel so, but I just do it as that is what is expected to say. So was today’s morning smile. I just tried to fit-in!