Its 2.30 Am in Gothenburg, one of the biggest cities of
Sweden, which is blessed with serene beauty. Though I have been working a lot
lately, I have been really unhappy about how my research is going on. Its
dragging.. Dragging at a phase slower than my snails in my aquarium. But today
morning was rather different. Besides being a Monday, It brought a smile on my
face when I lifted up my blinds (its not that we need blinds here to sleep
during winter, but the street lights are just too annoying). What brought that
smile was the beautiful view from my room, I could see the snow covered hills
and roofs of the buildings on the other side ( Have I told u I live on a hill
top with a fantastic view?). It was the first snow fall of this season. I am
often amazed by how simple things can just make one happy.
It was just snow, something that would melt away, but it has
a magical power. Why do I say so?? Primarily, when it snows, its lot warmer,
secondly snow makes the place look more brighter and thirdly, to me snow is a
symbol of life. It snows, then it stays on and then it melts, making the place
muddy and then it vanishes, just like everyone’s life. We all are born, we
bloom and we live and we die.
I have often thought and wondered why am I alive? I could
never come up with a reason good enough to justify my existence. I would have preferred
to be nonexistent rather that to live. Not to die. If it is to die, then I have
lived and I have made memories and I may or may not live through the books or
at least through the memories that my friends and relatives share and cherish
(may cherish rather) about me. I feel life is being forced up on me, without my
consent. To be very honest, I don’t even
enjoy my life. I just deplore the fact that I have to live like everyone else,
be insignificant in this universe and die of some stupid disease and get
cremated or buried or eaten away by dogs. Why does it have to be so? Why is it
that we are not given a choice to make? I am sick and tired of trying to fit
into the social norm. I feel strangulated, choked, every second, every day. Its
almost like living a lifeless life.
I have lot of friends who have traveled a lot. They all
seem to be excited about visiting new places, seeing picturesque mountains and
monuments. Though I haven’t traveled a lot, in the few visits that I have been
on, everything just failed to excite me. When I see a beautiful monument or a
scenery or anything of that kind, I say its beautiful. Not because I feel so,
but I just do it as that is what is expected to say. So was today’s morning
smile. I just tried to fit-in!
